Hello there! I’m Alison, an accredited meditation teacher and wellness expert with over 15 years of experience. I embarked on my meditation journey to manage stress from my media career and founded Artful Awareness Meditation to make meditation accessible to everyone. Whether you’re looking to unlock creativity, increase focus, build resilience, or ease stress, meditation is a powerful tool that can help.
Starting Your Meditation Journey
If you’re considering meditation but aren’t sure where to start, or perhaps you’ve tried and it just doesn’t click for you—don’t worry, you’re in the right place. Even experienced meditators can struggle from time to time!
Common Beginner Questions
From my own experience, I know it can feel challenging when you’re new to the practice. How exactly do you clear your mind? How do you bring your attention to your body—what does that even mean? Do I have to chant? Do I leave my eyes open? These were all very real thoughts I had when I started out.
This blog will help you navigate these questions and more. But in this instalment, we’re going to look at one of the most commonly asked questions: “Why can’t I relax when I meditate?”
Understanding Meditation
To answer this, let's first address the bigger question: what even is meditation?
Meditation is the practice of focusing your mind on one thing.
This might seem overly simplified, but it holds true for the many different meditation styles and techniques—of which there are over 300 we know of today.
The Importance of Practice
So, meditation is a practice. Practice is the important word here. The point of meditation is to meditate. It’s a learned skill, but unlike other learned skills like playing a musical instrument, where you aim to perform, the goal of meditation is to practice meditation itself. It’s not to achieve an end goal beyond this.
This is important to understand as it will help to avoid judgement and frustration. If we do not have an end goal in mind, and the point is to simply practice focusing our mind again and again, we give ourselves permission to practice without judgement or frustration.
So, Why Can't I Relax When I Meditate?
Many people think meditation is about clearing their mind of thoughts. This is not true and is virtually impossible, so don’t beat yourself up! Thinking about meditation this way sets it up as the ‘end goal’ and also sets us up for disappointment and frustration. Having a goal of just practising without trying to achieve anything allows us to let go of expectations and simply be in the moment.
Benefits Are By-Products, Not the End-Goal
There are many benefits of meditation, such as reduced stress, greater concentration, and increased creativity—but these are the by-products of meditation and should not be the end goal of your practice. This frees you from frustration and disappointment. Even a meditation session where your mind wanders a lot is valuable because you are practising. The more you practice, the better you will get at holding your focus.
Accepting a Busy Mind
Of course, we all have days when our minds just won’t stay put. The swirl of chaos in our heads can make it feel impossible to focus on one thing when we meditate. It can feel so frustrating when we sit for 20 minutes and feel like we’ve achieved nothing. You can avoid this frustration by accepting your busy mind—remember, the goal is to practice holding your attention, not to clear your mind. Our minds naturally wander, so accepting that your wandering mind is part of the practice and is 100% normal will help relieve your frustration.
Practical Meditation Tips
Let’s see how knowing these things helps you in a mindfulness meditation. Say you have decided to practice a meditation where your focus is on your breath. You listen to the sound of your breath coming in and out. You notice the rise and fall of your abdomen as you breathe—but then your mind wanders off and starts thinking about what to make for dinner…That’s okay! Remember this is a PRACTICE. So, when you notice your mind has wandered away from your meditation focus, notice it
Putting It Into Practice
Let’s see how knowing these things helps you in a mindfulness meditation. Say you have decided to practice a meditation where your focus is on your breath. You listen to the sound of your breath coming in and out. You notice the rise and fall of your abdomen as you breathe—but then your mind wanders off and starts thinking about what to make for dinner…That’s okay! Remember this is a PRACTICE. So, when you notice your mind has wandered away from your meditation focus, notice it—you can mentally ‘tag’ that thought in your head with the word ‘thinking’ and then imagine it dissolving away, and refocus your attention on your breath.
You might have to do this many times—notice your mind wandering and let the thought go gently before returning to your focus. This is the practice of meditating. And this is why it is called a practice. When you have a goal of simply practicing and not a goal to feel some other way—like feeling calm afterwards—this releases us from judgment and frustration.
Give Yourself Permission
So, before you start your meditation, give yourself permission to spend this time meditating. Remember, meditation is your time to practice focusing your mind and developing this skill. Many people who start meditating often feel that they are ‘wasting time’ when they begin, thinking they should be ‘productive’ instead of sitting around meditating. This is time for you—it is not wasted time, and it is not unproductive.
You are working on creating new pathways in your brain every time you meditate, building up this skill so you can later reap the beneficial by-products. It will always be productive if you continue to practice. Give yourself permission to practice—this is YOUR time—you don’t have to be anywhere or be doing anything else. If your mind wanders, accept the chaos and let it go, and give yourself permission to refocus your mind again and again. Your goal is to simply practice, nothing else.
Key Takeaways
Meditation is the practice of focusing your mind on one thing.
The goal of meditation is to practice meditation itself, not to achieve an end goal.
Let go of the expectation to clear your mind—accept that wandering thoughts are normal.
Focus on the process of practicing rather than achieving specific outcomes.
Meditation has many benefits, but they are by-products, not end goals.
Give yourself permission to meditate and view it as productive time for yourself.
Embrace the practice with patience and self-compassion.
In conclusion, remember that meditation is a journey, not a destination. Embrace the practice with patience and self-compassion. Allow yourself to be present without any pressure to achieve a specific outcome. By doing so, you’ll cultivate a more relaxed and enjoyable meditation experience. Happy meditating!
Kommentare